"Why do I wear makeup?"
I was going about my normal "getting-ready-to-leave" routine, putting on makeup and brushing my hair and such, when this question hit me. And I had to stop and think. Why do I wear makeup? I know that I'm good enough just the way God made me. I fully believe that. But why do I feel it necessary to wear it when I leave the house?
I realized that it was because I am terrified of people seeing my flaws. I am terrified of being vulnerable.
Even just typing those words strikes panic in my heart. Because I'm admitting a weakness. I'm admitting fear.
I wear makeup because I want to control how people see me. I want the blemishes to be hidden and the bright parts illuminated. I want to know that people will see me exactly how I want them to see me.
I'm the same way in my life. I'm frequently sarcastic because I want to control what people see of the inside of me. Sarcasm is a safe wall to ensure people never see anything deeper than the humor in whatever immediate situation we're facing or discussing.
But that's not the entirety of who I am. I may build up calluses of sarcasm and cynicism externally, but I'm a softie underneath. I love people. I care about them. I want to help them smile. I have hurts. I have weaknesses. I have a past and a story. And while it may be terrifying to admit those things, they are true. I am more than just the makeup I put on my personality to try and control how people view me.
I don't believe there's anything wrong with wearing makeup, nor do I believe the humor in sarcasm is inherently wrong. It's the motivation behind my actions that I need to examine and fix.
Vulnerability is not bad. No matter what society pressures us into thinking, we are not less of people if we own up to being less than perfect. We are good enough even if we don't constantly put on fronts. Granted, I'm not advocating standing up on a stage and telling everyone your darkest, grossest secrets. There is wisdom in discretion. At the same time, however, there can be incredible power in vulnerability. My life has been literally changed by people who were brave and opened up about their past for the first time ever.
So what is your makeup? Is it literal, physical makeup? Is it putting up walls so nobody sees your scars and past? Whatever it is, think about it. And don't be afraid of vulnerability. You don't have to wear your makeup to make you good enough.
There is no witness so powerful for Christ as the Body coming together, admitting their imperfection, so that together they may boast in the perfection of the One who they died and are resurrected with.